The End Is Always Near
by the diggler
Summary: "He's already noticed the faded brand there, but it isn't until Cas fits his hand over it perfectly that Yeager starts to believe the things he's heard – about Hell, Heaven, Angels, Destiny, and how Cas belongs with Dean Winchester, in a way Yeager's puny, mortal brain can't possibly conceive." (5x04 End 'verse, Dean/Cas, outside POV, SLASH)


**A/N**: So here's my obligatory End 'verse fic. Because 5x04 is one of my all time favorite episodes! And I just realised that half of Season 9 is going to be in 2014 ;p Anyway I started writing this about half a year ago when I was quitting smoking, but then didn't really know how to execute the rest of it until I caught up on a crapload of Walking Dead, and was finally inspired enough to finish it lol. So there's a little homage to Lauren Cohan in here that I just couldn't resist :)

Also, if you don't remember who Yeager is, he's the guy Dean drinks a beer with before shooting in the head :S

* * *

Giving up smoking during the Zombie Apocalypse is the hardest thing Yeager's ever had to do. Harder than his two tours in Ghan. Combined. Because even then, in the middle of desert patrols and surprise attacks and bombings, he always knew he had his sweet, _sweet_ nicotine waiting for him. But having to deal with their imminent mortality on a daily basis makes even the non-smokers take up the habit, and before long, the camp goes through every last source of nicotine they can find.

When Yeager first comes to the harsh realization that his supply will inevitably run out, he tries to ration what little he has left. Puts off his first smoke of the day for as long as he can before finally giving in to the shakes and lighting one up. But sometimes going the whole day without makes him smoke even more during the night to make up for it, so _that's_ fucking counterproductive.

Eventually though, when his supply dwindles further and further, he begins to promise himself that if he can just get through the day, alive, he'll reward himself with just _one_ cigarette at the end of the night. But it's like fucking heroin withdrawal for all the good his promises do him. And even though he keeps telling himself that once it's out of his system completely, he won't crave it anymore, it just doesn't go down that way.

He _still_ craves it. All the time. Like a fucking junkie.

So he does the only thing he can think of, and takes up another addiction. One that's… surprisingly physical. And maybe that's why it's surprisingly effective, because it overrides that nicotine craving better than anything else he's tried.

And so, more nights than not, Yeager finds himself here, hidden in the dark beneath the window of Cas' cabin, jerking off to the sound of slapping skin and Cas' grunting cries as he pounds into some woman. Or two. Or more.

_Jesus_ the sounds Cas makes during sex… he could be a fucking pornstar.

Maybe he _was_, for all Yeager knew. Cas sure knows what he's doing with the ladies, after all. But Yeager still can't work out if the whole 'love guru' thing is for real, or if it's just some way to get a whole bunch of women in his bed, at the same time.

No one can tell him anything definite about the guy either which way, and the people who supposedly knew him before are extremely tight-lipped about it. So his only intel comes from the rumor-mill, and some of those stories are so whacked there's no _way_ they can be true. Even in a world where zombies exist and demon possession is commonplace.

And he used to love zombie movies damnit.

No amount of Romero worship could've prepared him for the reality of the Croatoan virus though.

And no amount of porn could've prepared him for the sounds Cas makes when he comes, and Yeager has to shove a fist into his mouth to stop his own cries as he blows his load across the muddy ground.

~

As Yeager trudges through the dark back to his cabin, he sees light coming from Dean's doorway, a female figure framed at Dean's side, just leaving by the looks of it. Yeager smirks, wondering what kind of line Dean used this time, or if Dean bothered with a line at all. He'll find out soon enough. In such a small community, everybody knows everyone's business most of the time, so there's really no point in being discreet about it anymore.

He can't blame the guy. When it's the end of the world, pickings get a little slim, and your needs get a little more intense in the face of so much horror. So you do what you have to. Get your kicks where you can find them. Yeager knows that well enough.

Except… if he believes half of the things he'd heard about Cas, then he has to believe certain things about Dean, too. And while it's completely insane, a part of him _wants_ to believe those things, because that means he might have _some_ kind of a chance with Cas after all. But at the same time, it also means he has _no_ chance with Cas. At all.

Goddamnit. Maybe he should just take up drinking, like most people in the camp. No matter how low they get on toilet paper, they never seem to run out of alcohol.

Except the drink makes you sloppy, and he needs to keep his shit together if he's gonna survive against the Croats.

He'll stick to what he has.

Dean sees him as he passes through the slash of light from the doorway and calls him over. Dean is a damn good-looking man himself, but Yeager has no desire to experience any of his legendary charms first-hand. Him and Dean get along just fine, work together ever better, but that's because he's come to trust the battle-hardened, no-nonsense side of Dean he's used to dealing with. Especially in life-or-death situations.

They're going on a supply run in a couple of days and Dean just wants to run over some of the details with him. Turns out the camp is running out of condoms pretty quickly these days too.

~

Unfortunately, like most addictions, Yeager's begins to escalate. And where before it was enough to creep around Cas' cabin, listening to Cas fuck as he jacked off to the sounds of Cas' moans, it isn't long before Yeager starts seriously considering how best to approach the man, how to experience those sounds, and everything else, first-hand.

He would have to be careful about it though, take it slow. Rumors aside, he's never seen any indication that Cas is anything other than straight.

The orgies would be his 'in'. He's slept with women before. He could do it again if it means he could see Cas naked. Watch all that gorgeous, pale skin thrusting, and writhing, and _coming_. And be allowed to come as he watches, as loud and as long and as hard as he wants.

Maybe, after Cas gets comfortable with him being there, he could sneak in some light touching - a hand on Cas' back, or his thigh - see just how much "perception" Cas is really comfortable with "sharing". Fuck, if he could get a few fingers _inside_ Cas, _feel_ him while they both come inside someone else, maybe that would be enough.

But then maybe he could get Cas alone afterwards, fake a need for some 'private tutorials' or something. Show Cas that he can give head just as good as a woman, even better. Yeah. He's pretty sure Cas will let _anyone_ suck him off.

Then maybe afterwards he would stick himself in Cas' mouth. _God_ those fucking _lips_.

Or no, maybe he'd wait for that. Maybe he'd use his fingers first, while he's showing Cas how good he is with his mouth, teach Cas how to be sensitive in all the right places.

And then he'd fuck Cas' sweet little ass with his tongue and his fingers until Cas is _begging_ to take cock. _His_ cock. And they would spend every second they could fucking, in every position imaginable, until the end of days.

_Hell_ yeah.

The idea of turning a straight man gay had some _serious_ appeal. In fact, a large part of his old porn collection had been focused on that theme alone.

Back in the days when there'd been porn. And computers. Internet. Electricity... Nicotine. Fuck. What's the point of living through the goddamn Zombie Apocalypse if you don't even have the option to slowly kill yourself?

~

He goes for it. What the hell else does he have to lose anyway? And in the end it's all too easy to gain entry to one of Cas' "lessons" in shared perception.

The girls are a bit wary at first. Which is to be expected. He's not the first guy to try and crash one of these shindigs for some easy nookie. But when it's pretty obvious he's giving Cas his undivided attention, they relax soon enough.

When it gets down to the 'practical' part though, he's not really sure he can go through with it. The girl, Maggie, or something, is nice enough. If that were his thing. But it isn't. And she's touching him in all the right ways, but it's just not working for him.

But then he looks over her shoulder, and sees the entire expanse of Cas' pale skin bared before him, and he's hard in seconds.

Maggie-or-something sinks to her knees, and it leaves him an even better view of the bed, where Cas is rolling around with the other two girls, and it's so fucking surreal, and so fucking _perfect_, Yeager thinks maybe one of the Croats finally got him, and he's dead in Heaven.

And if he thought just _hearing_ Cas come was better than porn… _seeing_ the way his ass moves, the way his perfect little hole ripples and clenches as his entire body spasms with pleasure, is a million times better. Out of habit he shoves his fist in his mouth when he comes, but then he remembers he doesn't need to anymore, and he cries out sharp and loud as he comes harder than he has is a good long while.

He can only imagine what _actually_ fucking Cas would be like.

~

It doesn't take long before Yeager doesn't have any problems with women anymore.

Not when Cas is always right there on the bed next to him, and the thought that he's feeling the same thing Cas is feeling, at the same time, gets him so hard he has no trouble getting off, every time.

Shared perception. Fuck yeah.

Except this time is gonna go down a little different.

He had a chat with his old buddy Maggie earlier, and she'd agreed to do something for him a little bit off the menu. Sure, it meant that by asking, his secret was out, but he had a feeling the rewards would far outweigh the risk.

He's got a girl in his lap, watching over her shoulder as Cas thrusts into Maggie on the bed. He's already getting off on the thought that he's putting his penis someplace where Cas' has been, but then Maggie looks up and catches his eye, and he knows it's about to get _so_ much better.

Slowly she reaches up, sticking her fingers in her mouth, sucking on them loose and sloppy until they're nice and wet. And then her hands start to move, sliding down from Cas' shoulders, oh-so-slowly down his spine, until they're finally cupping the round, firm globes of Cas' ass. She massages the flesh there for a while, teasing both Cas _and_ him, and then finally, she goes for it, her fingers slowly creeping inwards and caressing the length of his crack. Cas bucks on top of her with a surprised grunt, spreading his legs further apart, and Yeager nearly comes right then and there.

She pulls with one hand, spreading the flesh of Cas' ass so Yeager can see, and then with her other hand she reaches down, circling Cas' hole with her fingers. Cas grunts again, adjusting his thrusts to press back against her hand, and when she realises how he's responding, she takes the plunge, and pushes in.

Yeager has to bite his lip against the sound that threatens to escape his throat then, until all that comes out is a stifled whimper, a muffled curse at the taste of blood in his mouth. But inwardly he thanks whoever the adventurous lady was that obviously tried this on Cas before, and made him like it.

He can see Maggie teasing Cas inside, prodding around with her finger and searching for the places that make Cas react. He can tell from the way her knuckle is moving against the rim of Cas' hole, and the way Cas' hips squirm at the stimulation. But maybe she doesn't get enough of a reaction, though all the sounds Cas is making are good ones, because the next thing Yeager knows, she's sliding another finger in along with the first.

The sound Cas makes then is long and loud and needy, and Yeager finds himself groaning as well, probably bruising the woman on top of him where he's gripping her hips, _way_ too tight. Cas starts fucking in earnest then, driving into Maggie and then shoving himself back on her fingers, finally angled in a way that makes him cry out with every thrust.

And then, to his utter disbelief, Maggie fits in another finger, starts digging and stretching and _plowing_ them inside Cas, and it's all Yeager can do to hold it together. Cas is gonna come, any second now. He's gonna blow like a bomb, with enough fingers up his ass it's almost gotta feel like someone's dick, and it's gonna be so fucking beautiful Yeager doesn't want to miss a second.

It's unavoidable though. As soon as Cas goes it sets him off too, and even though he does his best to keep his eyes open, his whole body seizes in a way it hasn't before, like an electric shock of pleasure, grinding his jaw together and forcing his eyes shut so he only sees white against the backs of his eyelids.

He doesn't move for a long time after that. Still twitching with small shocks of pleasure, long after everybody starts putting their clothes on again.

"Was it good for you?" Maggie whispers knowingly as she breezes past him on her way out, and yeah, his secret's out, but his answer is "_Fuck_ yes," so yeah, it was _definitely_ worth the risk.

~

The next time Cas throws one of his orgies, Dean shows up.

No one looks surprised, so Yeager guesses it's not the first time Dean's joined in. But Yeager's never guessed Dean for being the type to buy into Cas' hippie crap, so he figures it's just one of the perks of being the camp's unspoken leader.

It's good to be the King. Or so the saying goes.

Some of the girls get up off the bed and start making their way over to where Dean stands in the doorway, hands reaching out with familiarity, inviting him in. But Dean just gives them this _look_, and they back off. Find somewhere else to go, something else to do. And the quick efficiency with which they do it gives away that this too is familiar.

Then Dean looks over at where he's sitting, facing the bed with a girl between his legs, sucking him off while she fingers herself, and Yeager suddenly feels like an insignificant fly. One that's about to be pinned to the wall. He glances at Cas anxiously, and by now Cas is tuned in to what's going on, staring up at Dean with raised eyebrows. Dean returns the look, and it's like there's this whole, intense, conversation happening between them, even though neither of the two has spoken a word.

Yeager gulps nervously as he watches them, completely lost as to what's going on. Suddenly he realises Cas is alone on the bed, that at some point the rest of the girls cle'ared off to the floor, doing their own thing. Or are at least pretending to, while they surreptitiously watch the silent exchange between Cas and their 'fearless leader'. And for the life of him, Yeager can't work out _why_… until Dean starts taking off his clothes, and climbs onto the bed.

Yeager's jaw drops as Dean crawls over Cas, settling into the V of Cas legs, and Cas… Cas just opens up for Dean like a goddamn flower or something. It arouses him beyond _belief_, but at the same time Yeager wants to grab Dean by the scruff of his neck and throw him off the bed. But he has no right, it seems. The way Cas curls around Dean, the way they touch and react to each other, the almost perfect synchronicity of their movements… It's clear they've done this many times before.

But Cas… It's like Cas is a completely different person with Dean. The way he looks, the way he sounds… His eyes aren't glazed over in pleasure, or shut, as they usually are when Cas is lost in feeling. His eyes are wide open, clear, focused, entirely on Dean as unfathomable volumes pass between them, unspoken, unblinking. Gone are the pornstar worthy moans and cries that have been Yeager's jerk-off soundtrack for months. Now there is only silence, barely heard breaths that shake and tremor with the effort of containing something too powerful to unrestrain. Something so all-consuming, that to unleash it would mean losing oneself to it entirely. Something like anguish. Something like bliss. Something… _profound_.

Everyone in the room senses it, and they all fall silent as well as they watch, as if to make a noise would disturb the sanctity of this almost… _sacred_ moment they're bearing witness to. Even the girl between his legs has stopped sucking him off, stroking him absentmindedly with her hand as she rests her head on his thigh and watches as well. And Yeager finds himself holding his breath as Cas slides his hand up Dean's arm, inching ever closer to the faint outline of the handprint scar waiting on Dean's shoulder.

He's already noticed the faded brand there, but it isn't until Cas fits his hand over it perfectly that Yeager starts to believe the things he's heard – about Hell, Heaven, Angels, Destiny, and how Cas _belongs_ with Dean Winchester, in a way Yeager's puny, mortal brain can't possibly conceive.

And when Dean comes, gasping Cas' name, he says it like he _knows_ what Cas' _real_ name is. Like he's seen far more of Cas than anyone else ever has, and wants to curl up inside it and stay there. And it makes his gasp sound like a whispered plea, a cry for help, desperate and alone and _needing_ something to cling to.

And then Cas is coming too, Dean's name exhaled in a breath from his lips in very much the same way. But on Cas' lips, it's a fucking prayer. And it's so fucking beautiful, Yeager almost wants to cry.

He finally has to shut his eyes, unable to look anymore. Eventually he hears the girls moving around, pulling on clothes and leaving, finally safe to do so without disturbing the moment. One of the girls, Maggie probably, squeezes his shoulder as she goes, and Yeager takes the hint that he should probably leave too.

He sighs, slowly opening his eyes again, and sees Dean still lying in the bed, Cas wrapped around his body under the blankets. And as if Yeager hasn't already gotten the message, the look Dean gives him is clear - This is mine. Always has been, always will be. You touch, you die.

Yeager picks up his clothes and leaves.

As he exits the beaded doorway of Cas' cabin, he looks up at the endlessly grey sky of the Apocalypse, and wonders if maybe he really should take up drinking after all.

_~ fin_

_I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer.  
The future's uncertain and the end is always near.  
Let it roll, baby, roll… All night long.  
- The Doors, Roadhouse Blues_


End file.
